Sunday, March 29, 2009

More Lawyer Quotes

TRUE QUOTATIONS, YOUR HONOR.

============================================

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you

that morning?

WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'

ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

WITNESS: My name is Susan !

____________________________________________





ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the

impact?

WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

____________________________________________




ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your

memory at all?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget.

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of

something you forgot?

___________________________________________





ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been

involved in voodoo?

WITNESS: We both do.

ATTORNEY: Voodoo?

WITNESS: We do.

ATTORNEY: You do?

WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

____________________________________________





ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person

dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the

next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

____________________________________





ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is

he?

WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.

___________________________________________





ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: Are you kidding me?

_________________________________________





ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was

August 8th?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?



____________________________________________





ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

WITNESS : Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney.

Can I get a new attorney?

____________________________________________





ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death.

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS: Take a guess.

____________________________________________





ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with

male.

_____________________________________





ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to

a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

______________________________________





ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you

performed on dead people?

WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a

fight.

___ ______________________________________





ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school

did you go to?

WITNESS: Oral.

_________________________________________





ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the

body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.

____________________________________________





ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

______________________________________





And the best for last:





ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you

check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was

alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.



ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been

alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive

and practicing law.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Now For Something Completely Different




You either love or hate Monty Python! It is so great to be able to see these on YouTube.

This has to be the funniest one ever! I remember the first time I showed this to my father. We were both rolling on the floor laughing. Yes it can happen.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

The Test For Your Sons

Do you want to know your son's future? Then simply use the techniques that this one man did to see what his son was going to be when he went out on his own.

An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young men his age, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it. One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects.

1. A Bible.
2. A silver dollar.


3. A bottle of whisky.

4. And a Playboy magazine.


'I'll just hide behind the door,' the old preacher said to himself. 'When he comes home from school today, I'll see which object he picks up.

If it's the
B ible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be!

If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a business man, and that would be okay, too.

But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunken bum, and Lord, what a shame that would be.

And worst of all if he picks up that magazine he's going to be a skirt-chasing womanizer.'

The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's foot-steps as he entered the house whistling and headed for his room.

The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table.
With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them.
Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink, while he admired this month's centerfold.


Lord have mercy,' the old preacher disgustedly whispered. 'He's gonna run for Congress.'

What Women Really Want


I saw this cartoon and had to add it to my blog. This blog is not just for politics and hopefully will contain more humor than whining, since you can get complaints and all the doom and gloom in too many places.
I see people so wrapped up in things that they really can not change that they always seem stressed and worried. No matter how stressed and worried the current economic situation of the world is, we should never lose our ability to laugh.

Before I get carried away in the fear and anxiety, I am going to post the cartoon and call it a day.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Bloggers Unite for International Women's Day

March 8, 2009 is International Women's Day.
This is not to be confused with Mother's Day, however it is fine to honor moms on this day.
I have read through some of the postings on this day that is devoted to making people
aware of the accomplishments of women throughout history and the trials women still face around the world.

Some of the topics will definitely get emotional responses.
Several of the topics will make you wonder where is the justice? Why isn't anything being done to stop negative behavior when it comes to abuse against women and children?

How can we celebrate how far certain women have gone in life and the doors that they have opened when there is still hurting and abuse taking place throughout the world?

The women who do make a difference and get public acclaim for it are to be encouraged for what they do. On a day where bloggers unite to call attention to women around the world we need to be reminded that we must all do what we can to help those less fortunate.

Women have always been strong contributors to historical events. Perhaps they do not get the attention that men do, but we are seeing more and more positive changes.

I always wanted to be an astronaut. Unfortunately my sinuses and chronic ear infections would never allow me that option. I always admire the women who get to do that. I found a list of women who have been lucky enough to do what I have dreamed about. I know they started with dreams, too, and I smile at their accomplishments

Here is the list that I borrowed from another website: http://www.aerospaceguide.net/women_in_space/index.html

Pioneering Women of Space:
  • 1959: Geraldine (Jerrie) Cobb was the first woman in the U.S. to undergo astronaut testing, however, NASA cancelled the women's program in July 1961.

  • June 1963: Soviet cosmonaut Valentina Tereshkova was the First Woman in Space. She flew on the Vostok 5 mission which was launched on June 16, 1963. It orbited the Earth 48 times and the flight lasted 2.95 days.

  • August 1982: Soviet cosmonaut Svetlana Savitskaya was the second woman in space. She flew aboard Soyuz T-7 which was launched August 19, 1982.

  • June 1983: Sally Ride was the First American Woman in Space and third woman in space. She flew on the shuttle Challenger STS-7 mission from June 18-June 24, 1983.

  • July 1984: Soviet cosmonaut Svetlana Savitskaya was the First Woman to Walk in Space on July 17, 1984 aboard the Soyuz T-12. Her spacewalk lasted 3.58 hours. She was also the first woman to go to space twice (in 1982 and 1984).

  • August 1984: Judith Resnick was the Second American Woman in Space. She flew on the shuttle Discovery STS-41D mission in August 30-September 5, 1984.

  • October 1984: Kathryn Sullivan was First American Female Spacewalker. She flew on Challenger STS-41G on October 5, 1984.

  • January 1986: Christa McAuliffe was chosen to be first teacher in space. She died in the Space Shuttle Challenger disaster on January 28, 1986.

  • October 1984: Helen Sharman was the first British astronaut in space when she flew aboard the Russian space craft Soyuz TM-12 on May 18, 1991.

  • January 1992: Roberta Bondar was the First Canadian Woman in Space. She flew on the shuttle Discovery STS-42 Mission, January 22-30, 1992.

  • September 1992: Mae Jemison was the First Black Woman in Space during shuttle Endeavor STS-47 Mission, September 12-20, 1992. She was a Mission Specialist.

  • April 1993: Ellen Ochoa was the First Hispanic American Woman in Space. She flew as a mission specialist aboard the Space Shuttle Discovery STS-56 mission.

  • July 1994: Chiaki Mukai was the First Japanese Woman in Space. She flew on Shuttle Columbia STS-56 mission, 8-23 July, 1994.

  • February 1995: Eileen Collins was the First Woman Pilot of a Space Shuttle.

  • September 1996: Shannon Lucid returns from six months aboard the Mir Space Station, setting space endurance record for women and U.S. space endurance record.

  • May 1999: Susan Helms was the First Woman Crew Member of the International Space Station.

  • July 1999: Eileen Collins was the First Woman to fly as a Space Shuttle Commander.
  • October 2001: Claudie Haigneré was the First European Woman to visit the International Space Station.

  • February 2003: Dr. Kalpana Chawla and Dr. Laurel Clark died in the Space Shuttle Columbia disaster on February 1, 2003.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Word For The Day: Liquidity

When you want to remember a word sometimes it is easier if you have a clear picture of what the word means to you. Well, here is a pretty clear picture of the definition of the word "Liquidity".

Word: Liquidity
Liquidity is when you look at your retirement funds and wet your pants.




Monday, March 2, 2009

Beautiful Flags

Why do nations choose their symbols for their flags? Have you ever wondered why Italy just has the three colored stripes, and Jamaica has their unique flag, along with Brazil, Australia, New Zealand, and of course, the United States. I am srue I left out several, like Canada's Maple Leaf, Mexico's Eagle on the cactus, Japan's red circle, and much much more. I am sure there are histories of flags on the internet that everyone can find. I know that the US has changed it's flag several times throughout history but I really do not know much about other nation's flags.

Here are some of my favorite flags. Do you know what countries they are from?